It’s fascinating to hear the physical traits my friends and colleagues feel are essential in a mate. I used to think to myself, “Aw that stuff doesn’t matter; it’s all about the connection! And that takes times, blah blah.”

Well I’m over that shit. With that mindset, I’ve found myself giving some real goobers second, third and sometimes sixth chances, hoping that maybe THIS will be the time he does something genuine that gives me that little “twang” feeling and I suddenly find him to be a Greek god stud muffin.

But no. I’ve realized that when a guy lacks certain physical traits, my brain is unable to focus on anything else. I guess this is just a natural thing in all of us. Some men innately are drawn to child-bearing hips and child-feeding breasts. Some women look for a broad back and giant pecs that can fend off intruders and hungry lions.

There clearly are particular attributes that give off a strong masculine or feminine signal, and I think I’ve discovered mine:

• strong, square jawline
• muscular legs (yes, there’s more to the gym than bench presses and bicep curls)
• broad, square shoulders
• piercing eyes

The first three traits subconsciously scream “MAN!”

I’m not quite sure what the fourth screams. Maybe a guy with eyes that can bear into your soul could be a partner who pays attention, is nurturing and truly able to see the “real” you…

…*snicker* sorry, I’m not fooling anyone. Piercing eyes can simultaneously melt your heart and undress you with just one look, and that’s hot.

Screw hunting and gathering — stare into my eyes, flex your calves a bit, and stand up straight, and you’ll have me at “Wassup.”

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