Do: Talk to her in bed. And I don’t mean scripted porn commentary, (which, FYI, is only sexy to some women, so be sure to feel her out — pun intended — before blurting something obscene) such as, “You like that pussy slammed?” or, “Stick your finger in your ass.”

Or better yet, let her talk to you. If it’s a turnoff to have a chick you’re naked with tell you where to put your tongue or thumb, you might need to grow up a bit. The fact that she’s comfortable and eager enough to provide some direction means she REALLY wants to cum and REALLY wants you to be the cause. That in and of itself should be enough to get you hot and bothered and raring to go.

And for those of you still not convinced, tell your hand I said hi.

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Do: Put yourself out there. My best friend was at the airport waiting for a delayed flight and decided to check out the solar-powered monogram license plate key chains in the Hudson News shop. (Because the non-solar-powered monogram license plate key chains are terrible for the environment?) She looked up to see a young man sporting a trucker hat, flat-ironed black locks, and skinny jeans in front of her, who promptly blurted, “You’re beautiful. Can I call you sometime?” Now, granted, had my friend not been married and had this young man not looked like the former president of the Black Eyed Peas fan club, she may have considered his offer. Why? Because he was confident enough to risk her rejection.

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Went on a first date last night. Thought I’d give him a try. He failed.

Ladies — I feel it’s our public duty to educate the men of the world about what NOT to do when you like a girl. How else are they going to learn?

DISCLAIMER: Men — if you want to just bang the chick, then by all means do whatever it takes and skip dessert.

6 Don’ts for the Dating Scene:

1. Make an effort on the first impression…I know it shouldn’t matter, but it kinda does. It shows you’re interested enough to spend some time washing your hair and changing your shirt.
2. Don’t make me choose the restaurant and don’t make me drive.
3. Don’t try to hold and caress my hand at dinner when we’ve only known each other for like, a couple of hours. It’s not romantic; it’s kinda weird.
4. Don’t invite yourself into my apartment after dinner to “talk” more. I’m not stupid. If I wanted to continue the evening, I would already have asked you to come inside.
5. Compliments are great. But when the majority of your side of the conversation revolves around how you like my eyes, wit, height, shoe size, blood type…it gets a little uncomfortable.
6. Even if you really like me, don’t tell me yet. It’s the first date, and if you already want to get married and buy a time-share together, you might need to step back a bit. The chase can be fun, but when it’s too easy, the excitement wanes.

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