Don’t: Don’t reach for the Calgon body mist when you think you might smell less than fresh.

Believe it or not, your natural smell is a biological attractor of the opposite sex — that’s where pheromones come into play — and if you mask it with vanilla sparkle dream or masculine muscle musk, you’re essentially repelling the very people you want coming at you with drinks and phone numbers.

Plus most of these strong scents don’t 100% cover your own B.O., so chances are you’ll end up smelling like a combo of sweat and Sunflower Rain/Amber Fever. Not only is that the opposite of sexy, it’ll prob make everyone sneeze, and allergies like totally kill your game.

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There’s a new study out that says — gasp! — allergies can get in the way of sexytimes. WHAT??! Quick, someone get me some Claritin and a condom, STAT.

The captain obvious scientist behind it concluded that it’s difficult to feel sexy when you’re sneezing, you can’t breathe, and your nose is running all over you face while you’re deep-throating. (I paraphrased that last bit.)

I dunno about you, but I really like being pounded while unable to pass oxygen through my nasal passages, and stuffy-nose dirty-talk is a under-appreciated art:

“Do be, do be harder. Suck by diddy, bake be cub. Bore, bore, bore!”

I remember hearing on the playground once that a sneeze is, like, 1/9 of an orgasm, so come to think of it I might just trade the Benadryl for a box of tissues and get ready for some mind-blowing nose-blowing sex.

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