During oral sex, a woman doesn’t have a raging orgasm after 5 minutes of python-like tongue-flicking.

The porn scene: Guy rubs face into girl’s vagina. Girl coos in delight. Guy tenses tongue and flicks at girl’s clitoris – guys, this is the target if you’re looking for an orgasm to happen — while spreading apart the labia (aka “vagina lips”). Girl moans and groans, possibly even screams.

The real-life scene: Guy rubs face into girl’s vagina. Girl waits for guy to find her clitoris. Guy tenses tongue and flicks at it while spreading apart the labia. Girl tenses and winces. Guy stops after a few minutes and girl wonders what just happened.

Guys, think of it this way: You like your balls to be rubbed, lightly massaged, licked — NOT smacked. (Usually.) Each time your flexed tongue hits her clit, it’s like hitting your balls with a stick. (Yeah yeah not as painful, but painful still.) And the tighter you pull the skin away from the clit itself, the more exposed it is to the beating of your tongue. There’s a hood of skin there for a reason, and it’s not aesthetics.

There’s a reason why R&B singers and creepy characters on “Sex and the City” (Season 2, Episode 3) refer to eating ripe fruit when the topic of cunnilingus/pussy-eating arises. Think of how you eat a super-ripe peach, and apply it in the bedroom.

And please try not to get frustrated after 5 or 10 minutes down there; it often takes longer than that for a good orgasm to build. And if you make it obvious you’re irritated, she’ll be instantly distracted — either feeling guilty or angry at you — and the orgasm might not ever come. (Pun intended.)

Slow and steady wins this race, I promise.

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