Do: Let it grow a little.

I’ve heard from three male sources that there is written documentation somewhere informing its male readers that women don’t like scruff on the face — going so far as to say it’s unpleasant, uncomfortable and even unattractive.

They’ll let anyone post shit on the Internet these days.

Sure, there are plenty of lady-folk out there who likely prefer a smooth shave to a stubbly mess, and high-5 to them.

But please know that this does not go for the entire female population. That’s like saying all Italians love spaghetti or all hipsters love plaid. It’s just an assumption.

There’s something about scruff on the face that screams masculinity to me, especially when paired with a unconventionally masculine ensemble.

Sweater + tie + slacks + scruff = HOT.

Blazer + T-shirt + jeans + scruff = HOT.

Stained tank top + Umbros + shower shoes + scruff = GROSS.

Moving onto the issue of discomfort. Yes, kissing stubble can feel like kissing Brillo, but usually up to a certain length.

After a few days (or weeks, depending on your facial hair virility) it’ll grow from stick-out-straight to smooth-to-the-side, and that’s when I start wanting to kiss you.

Give it a try. If you hate it, shave it.

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Do: Check your ego at the door.

The ego is a powerful tool. It provides an air of authority, confidence and masculinity — much like alcohol — but at the end of the day — much like alcohol — it’s merely a mask that influences decisions you’re more likely to regret than respect.

Egos have ended marriages, broken relationships and hurt feelings. They offer terrible first impressions, awful second impressions, and give some people reason to never want to talk to you again.

So the next time you find yourself in the position to take responsibility for a mistake, admit fault or simply say, “I’m sorry,” take a step back and clear your mind.

Because if the fog of your pride is too dense to think through, your best interests and those of everyone involved are no longer the crux of your decision, and the odds of making the right choice become slim.

Real success is seeing the big picture through the clouds. What you think is weakness is actually wisdom and speaks volumes louder than any slick-talker in a pressed suit can muster — and that’s where true power lies.

Girls like power.

That means girls will like you.

Get it?

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I refuse to believe that there are men out there — at least men I’ve spent valuable time getting to know and possibly even making out with — who are truly too stupid to know when I’m not interested.

I don’t want to pursue anything more than friendship (if that) when:

• I stop answering your phone calls.
• I tell you I’m busy every minute of every day.
• I tell you not to call me because I’m low on cellphone minutes. (If I want to talk to you, I’ll find a way, even if it means using the grimy pay phone at 711. And if I’m willing to even do that, I may also be in love with you.)
• I stop inviting you to do things.
• The once constant flow of YouTube links to wacky cat videos suddenly ceases.
• I openly talk about other dudes I’m fucking.

And the #1 SIGN I don’t want to pursue anything further:

• When I tell you, “I don’t want to pursue anything further.”

I’m not being coy and I’m not being playful. I’m being straight-forward and honest — which I understand most chicks rarely are, and maybe you’re not used to that — but unless you’re a professional rapist, you should know that “No” means, “Please go away.”

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