Don’t get me wrong…I’d love to fuck Grace Park. I get a boner just thinking about breathing the same oxygen. Heck I have a boner right now.

She’s from one of the best shows ever invented and she practically begs to a quick hay-roll every time she blinks.

When I heard about her photo spread in Maxim, I reached half mast, but when I opened up the spread, I barely made a soft launch.

I have a hard time jerking it to anti-anorexia PSAs.

I’m calling craft services and getting sandwiches back on the Battlestar Galactica set stat.

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My friend Mimi checked out Tantus’ first foray into metal sex toys…seems she’s a big fan!

Alumina’s sleek, sexy style was intriguing and they look like they could make me cum for days! The Revolve and the Pace designs did not let me down. Once I got home I took them out of the matte black packaging (I felt like I had just bought something fancy from the Saks Fifth Avenue cosmetics department), I warmed them up and got myself nice and wet.

The Revolve’s shape on both sides worked perfectly to hit my entire G-spot. (I couldn’t believe how much I could squirt till I got this!) The shape of the Pace is great allowing it to stay awesomely in place during sex. It also filled me up for invigorating DP (that’s Double Penetration for you vanilla folks!) action and produced a sensational pressure inside me as it rubbed against my boyfriend’s cock.

What I love the most about these products is the heads are interchangeable and unscrew easily, allowing for a different sensation with each piece. To sum it up in one word, the Revolve and Pace are INCREDIBLE! I definitely recommend these to anyone that wants to spice things up in the bedroom alone or with a playmate.

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I have finally found the perfect dildo for ravers, burners and anyone else attracted to glow-in-the-dark paraphernalia. The Glo is a white contoured, 100-percent pure silicone dildo that happens to glow in the dark when you insert a glow stick (five bracelet-length ones are included when you first purchase the toy).

The stick, once bent and shaken and inside the Glo, is secured by a bottom piece that more than slightly resembles a nipple. After that you’re all good to glow, meaning that you’re ready to enjoy your very own light-saber-like dildo.

Besides the light saber effect, which is the ultimate of its selling points, the Glo is well thought out, with a head that’s thicker than the mid-section and base. In addition to the thicker head, the first inch of the toy also has a smart, slight curve upward — making G-spot play nice and easy. Plus, the silicone was a nice combination of hard with a touch of softness (you can bend the dildo at its thin midsection), which provides a pleasant texture for inside my vagina.

The only thing to make sure of when using this toy is that the nipple-like cap is all the way up, and “locked” in place (the toy doesn’t actually lock), before you start to maneuver it inside of you. Nothing bad will likely happen if it’s not in place, but the glow stick could fall out, and if you’re not careful, a slight glow stick accident could occur. Of course, you never want to stick the glow stick up you, just the pretty dildo. So next time you want a quality dildo that can light the way for you at night, don’t be afraid to go with the Glo.

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First and foremost, I’d like to say I’m an avid user and fan of Pjur and its products — they are the best. Its new Man Personal Glide stands up with all the rest. It’s a great light silicone lubricant, and is perfect for a quick jerk-off. Unlike other silicone lubricants, Pjur has made this formula a bit thinner, but still has the long-lasting effect that lubes of this style offer. Its skin compatibility is dermatologically confirmed, there are no preservatives, and — best of all — it’s safe for daily use. It works OK with condoms, but I would definitely recommend using this as a jerk-off lube, or sex without a condom (but only if you’re safe about it!) All in all, Pjur did it once again, definitely a good product.

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Before even laying a finger on the Abstract vibe, I was turned on by the lavish packaging. The divine vibe is pictured swimming under a beautiful wave of clear water, which is accentuated by the raised texture of the box. The brand and logo are raised as well, which really caught my attention. The dazzling white box has a flap that opens to a window, revealing the luxurious Japanese silicone vibe within.

The packaging says it’s pure medical-grade silicone, which seemed new coming from CalExotics, but upon opening the fancy packaging I did notice a smell that normally isn’t associated with pure silicone. But that didn’t stop me from loading the batteries and getting busy!

This elegant vibe is incredibly sexy — the way it looks with its ivory color and sleek power pack enhanced with easy push-buttons that light up blue; the way it feels and the way it moves…oh how it moves! The smooth vibe includes raised waves along the sides, the shaft rotates in three speeds, and the clit stimulator delivers seven different functions. The escalation is my personal favorite: it starts with firm taps and intensifies with a powerful vibration.

The boutique look of this product will lure you in and then satisfy you with its ultimate performance. CalExotics is certainly moving in the right direction.

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It’s important to me that my toys are clean and ready to go whenever I want them. Classic Erotica’s Before & After cleaner is the simplest solution I have ever come across. All I had to do was spray and wipe and my toy was ready to go, and even featured a fresh scent. On my heavily used toys, I let the product set in for a while and finished it off with a quick rinse, and according to the label, this antibacterial spray disinfects any bacteria in its path. It’s great to get rid of that new toy smell and worked on different materials including silicone, latex, jelly and plastic. I even tried it on my new wooden vibe with excellent results!

The Before & After cleaner contains no harsh soaps or artificial colors that can harm me or my toys. It sprays on easily and the 4-ounce bottle stores effortlessly and discretely. This trusty cleaner will sell itself.

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I’m an aluminum fan. It’s lightweight, hard and smooth, and a dream to keep clean. Lint, dust and whatever other extraneous airborne flecks will float and stick to my clean silicone toys, but when I wash and dry vibes like Alumination, they stay that way. I like the direction Doc is going with the clean packaging and simple metallic finishes of this collection, and it’s nice to have a more affordable alternative to other aluminum wand-style vibes. (It’s easy to see which design and manufacturing elements were altered to be more cost effective, but they don’t hinder the vibe’s quality and function in any way.) The cool metal felt great on my skin — especially when it slowly warmed up as I did — and the simple push-button control was easy to manage. This is a tester product that has made it into Barbie’s official bedside storage case.

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This deluxe dildo is the proud new queen of this dyke’s silicone-heavy sex toy box! This pretty, blue striped number delivered everything I expected as a first-time user (and long-time coveter) of a glass dildo. Variations in shape in texture, combined with the trademark hard smooth surface, kick this wand’s pleasure possibilities up a notch. I enjoyed the very slight curve in the shaft, although a more pronounced curve would have allowed easier G-spot access; the mushroom tip (about ½ inch wider than the 1-inch shaft) is fabulous for both shallow and deep strokes; and the bright blue swirl is not just for looks — it creates a ribbed texture along the shaft. The glass holds temperature well, as tested by my “cold glass in a hot shower” experiment, where I got plenty of chilly sensation before it slowly warmed with use. The knobbed handle is brilliantly designed. It made for an easy grip without slippage, saved my wrist from early fatigue (this wand has weight!), and allowed me perfect control to move it just where I wanted it. I don’t have to worry about it chipping in my toy box, thanks to its amply padded cloth case — my only complaint is that the pink plush fabric doesn’t scream “elegant and high class” like this dildo deserves!

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What better way to say I love you than with the gift of a vibrator? How about with the gift of a special edition Jolie vibrator? But wait, there’s more. It also comes with a battery, great for all those times you’ve been excited to try a toy only to get home and realize you don’t have the right voltage for your vibration, plus three types of liquid love (that’d be bath oil, massage oil and lube), a scarf for frisky business, a sensual book of ideas and suggestions for how to love each other long time, AND it’s all placed in a neatly designed ABS clear plastic box.

What I like most about the package is that it’s an entire package. Not only is it an affordable way to give a nice gift from a trusted brand, but it’s also simple enough to not be scary for beginners, and varied enough to not be a one-trick pony for the more advanced. What I like least is that the box is made to hold each toy or lube in a special place, but because the items aren’t securely in place, the presentation is not always as sleek as it looks on the website.

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I’m a girl who has played with a fair share toys in my time, and I’ve never seen anything quite like The Zone. I have to admit, I was a little bit intimidated when I first opened up this toy. It was surprisingly intuitive, however. The package contained no directions, but I found that I didn’t need any. There are two simple buttons, one that turns it on, and scrolls through the settings, and one that turns it off.

I used the zone in a chair, while reading some of my favorite naughty stories online, and it was fantastic! The base has three nonslip feet that keep it steady on the chair, and the dildo is a great length, not too long to sit on it completely. This toy is so easy to use, and it keeps your hands free for whatever else you feel like touching.

There are seven different settings, starting from a mild vibration and ending with an intense, heady wave that completely pushed me over the edge. The varying vibrations and pulsing rhythms were incredibly stimulating, and the base of the dildo was just wide enough to give me a nice stretch. This toy is awesome!

Pros: Vibration, variation, and ease of use. Completely hands free!

Cons: It lacks the thrusting motion that you get with traditional dildos. Takes 3 AA batteries.

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