I refuse to believe that there are men out there — at least men I’ve spent valuable time getting to know and possibly even making out with — who are truly too stupid to know when I’m not interested.

I don’t want to pursue anything more than friendship (if that) when:

• I stop answering your phone calls.
• I tell you I’m busy every minute of every day.
• I tell you not to call me because I’m low on cellphone minutes. (If I want to talk to you, I’ll find a way, even if it means using the grimy pay phone at 711. And if I’m willing to even do that, I may also be in love with you.)
• I stop inviting you to do things.
• The once constant flow of YouTube links to wacky cat videos suddenly ceases.
• I openly talk about other dudes I’m fucking.

And the #1 SIGN I don’t want to pursue anything further:

• When I tell you, “I don’t want to pursue anything further.”

I’m not being coy and I’m not being playful. I’m being straight-forward and honest — which I understand most chicks rarely are, and maybe you’re not used to that — but unless you’re a professional rapist, you should know that “No” means, “Please go away.”

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