It never occurred to me that “going green” was something I could translate into my sex life — focus people, get your heads out of that gutter — until I came across a brand of adorable (yes, I said adorable) condoms that not only girl-ify the traditionally masculine contraceptive, but are made of Fair Trade latex.

This means that purchasing Fair Trade certified condoms like these help provide higher wages and improved working conditions for the rubber tappers who collect the natural material used to manufacture them.

Natural latex rubber comes from rubber trees found in tropical rainforests, as well as areas of South Asia where man-made plantations grow the trees specifically for industrial purposes. Workers slice into each tree and collect the white goo that oozes out, which is later used to create all kinds of products.

They’re not cheap by any means, but if you’ve already been buying Fair Trade coffee, chocolate and tea tree oil body wash, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t add Fair Trade condoms to your grocery list.

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When you’re sleeping with someone for the first time, especially after only just meeting, don’t interrupt the heat of passion to suggest bagging the condom.

Example:

HIM: “You know [kiss] what would feel [smack, kiss] awesome?”
HER: “[kiss, lick] mmgh?”
HIM: “[inaudible muffled noise] without a condom.”
[Record scratching to a halt.]

We’ve never fucked. I’ve never seen your nether regions. For all I know, you could be an international gigolo/man-whore. You might have a sexy accent and piercing green eyes, but you really think the idea of exposing my precious vagina to your bare penis is a turn-on? Hell no.

First of all, let’s be honest: EVERYONE knows sex feels better without a condom. But 5-15 (preferably the latter) minutes of orgasm-inducing (hopefully) action is not even a little bit worth the risk of catching something that either a)will cost time, money and surely some gross side effects to cure; or b)never be cured ever ever, and result in a lifetime of awkward conversation each time a relationship develops.

Keep in mind, condom manufacturing has come a long way in the several centuries that condom-like sheaths – often made of linen, leather or chemically treated bladder or intestine (latex doesn’t sound so bad now, hmm?) – were reportedly used.

There’s more to choose from than your basic latex jimmy hat. Head to your local pharmacy, and if you can muster up the courage, try an adult boutique to see what latex and non-latex options are available. Some brands (Kimono) are famous for making ultra-thin styles, while others offer options made from materials that won’t irritate skin.

The key is not to assume all condoms feel like rubbery balloons and to keep an open mind (and open bottle of lube.) You’ll be happy you did.

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