I have a question.

During what part of puberty, sex ed or birds-and-bees embarrassment do young men learn that barn yard noises are an optimal way to catch the attention of the opposite sex?

I don’t remember this ever being an issue growing up in New Hampshire (there, the barnyard noises came from actual barnyards), and I’ve learned that our young male neighbors up north have chosen a silent-but-deadly method. Possibly this is an American big-city technique.

When has a kissy-noise (works for cats), hoot (works for owls), whistle (works for cows and canines), or a general holler (works for swine) EVER resulted in a phone number — a real one — and/or a date?

It certainly gets a girl’s attention, but once she realizes where the noise came from and that it was directed at her, the last thing she’s going to do is come running over gushing about how flattered she feels.

I know communicating verbally isn’t the most appealing thing in the world these days (sadly) but if you find somene attractive enough to say something, then do just that. SAY SOMETHING.

Because making random noises is just going to make you look like a goober with Tourette’s, and that’ll get you nowhere.

You’re better off hanging out on the farm, where your outbursts will be welcomed.

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