I’m going out with Dude on a Plane.

“What? Are you crazy?” you might be asking. Well yes, probably, but that’s another story.

Following my cancellation, Dude on a Plane emailed me and asked to reschedule. I said sure, but asked that we maybe meet up someplace less focused on alcohol/date rape.

“Sure, why don’t you choose a place that you feel most comfortable with,” he said.

[TAPE SCREECHES TO A HALT.]

That was enough to reverse (almost) the previous gaffes made during the last two months of random contact.

Not only did I choose a place with comfortable seating, it also has a piano player on a rotating stage (I’m a classy broad) and a list of cocktails served in tumblers and stemmed glasses — not a coconut in sight.

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Dude on a plane sent me a text message!

After more than two months of occasional neutral “Hey, how are you, ttyl” type emails, this gentleman has taken our relationship to the next level by sending a “Hi, just keeping in touch” text!

Whether this is the modern male’s way of e-courting, I have no idea, but I’ve noticed a common theme in each of his messages:

Never has he hinted to the idea of going out on a first date, or being interested in anything more than being pen pals. There have been suggestions to go to places that he and his friends might be, but never a, “Hey, want to come to this movie that I’m also attending? Maybe we can sit next to each other, and possibly even speak?”

Even this latest text clearly stated he was sending it to me in order to keep in touch and say hi, but nothing more.

So I wrote back: “Great to hear from you! I’m doing well. Would you like to meet up sometime?”

He wrote back immediately. We’re going out on Wednesday.

But wait — following these rules of first-base email, second-base text, did I just steal home plate? Does that make me an e-slut?

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A reader recently sent an inquiry regarding panic attacks on a first date, and how best to avoid them. Since I’m now a dating expert (my certificate is in the mail) I thought I’d offer advice in the form of a Top-5 list, because they’re fun and look official.

Panic attacks on a first date are not attractive and rarely result in a request for a second one. They show emotional instability (not the ideal impression to give), attract gasps and stares from onlookers (not the ideal kind of attention to draw), and often cause coiffed hair, tucked-in shirts and generally tidy appearances to become disheveled. None of these are conducive to a successful dating experience. For reference, the following five tips should be kept close at hand during the dating and courtship process to assure the most efficient and pleasing outcome:

5. If you’re prone to panic attacks during dates, contact your physician and see if [insert anti-anxiety pill brand here] is right for you.

4. Take your meds an hour before the first date. This likely will assure no panic attacks will occur within the following 6-hour time period, and you’ll be able to dull most other unwanted emotions at the same time.

3. Eliminate as many other anxiety-inducing elements (including but not limited to clowns, garden gnomes, small children and traffic) from the date environment as possible. If he/she plans to take you to a Disney theme park during rush hour, cancel immediately.

2. Use a mental “happy place” as a temporary retreat during an episode of high anxiety. However, be sure to discern which place is the happy place and which is the REAL place, for that could get awkward and uncomfortable later.

1. Should a panic attack occur despite following the previous four tips, succumb to the rapid heartbeat, uncontrollable blinking and frantic search for a paper bag in which to breathe and ride it out. You can always blame it on an allergy to shellfish — no one can argue that. But if your date does, he/she is probably a jerk anyway. Move on, or move online.

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