There’s a new male contraceptive on the market…

Inventor Anthony Mayfield from Atlanta has released the CollarUp, a tool men can use in addition to a condom to increase endurance and protection against STDs and pregnancy.

The CollarUp is a lightweight elastic band that fits around a man’s waist. The collar feature rests over the condom at the base of the penis to prevent the condom from slipping off.

The CollarUp ensures a snug fit — “like a tattoo on teenage skin, it holds its position and won’t come down no matter how rough the ride gets,” the company said.

By stifling premature ejaculation, the safe sex product also acts as a sex enhancer without the need of pills or creams.

“It’s the ideal sex device: it’s where safety and pleasure combine to create a unique product that intensifies sex and creates an unforgettable sexual experience,” Mayfield said.

The product is easy to use and reusable, he added.

Hmmm…there have been a couple (very annoying)  incidents of condom slippage in my adventures. Not to mention horror stories of couples losing the condom in the lady’s vagina, which, now that I think about it, really illuminates this product’s merits.

But still I can’t imagine having to reach for the condom AND the condom belt when I just want to get to fucking.

Regardless, for the peace of mind and possibly even more so the young novices out there, perhaps Collaring Up is a great idea.

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There’s a new study out that says — gasp! — allergies can get in the way of sexytimes. WHAT??! Quick, someone get me some Claritin and a condom, STAT.

The captain obvious scientist behind it concluded that it’s difficult to feel sexy when you’re sneezing, you can’t breathe, and your nose is running all over you face while you’re deep-throating. (I paraphrased that last bit.)

I dunno about you, but I really like being pounded while unable to pass oxygen through my nasal passages, and stuffy-nose dirty-talk is a under-appreciated art:

“Do be, do be harder. Suck by diddy, bake be cub. Bore, bore, bore!”

I remember hearing on the playground once that a sneeze is, like, 1/9 of an orgasm, so come to think of it I might just trade the Benadryl for a box of tissues and get ready for some mind-blowing nose-blowing sex.

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When you’re sleeping with someone for the first time, especially after only just meeting, don’t interrupt the heat of passion to suggest bagging the condom.

Example:

HIM: “You know [kiss] what would feel [smack, kiss] awesome?”
HER: “[kiss, lick] mmgh?”
HIM: “[inaudible muffled noise] without a condom.”
[Record scratching to a halt.]

We’ve never fucked. I’ve never seen your nether regions. For all I know, you could be an international gigolo/man-whore. You might have a sexy accent and piercing green eyes, but you really think the idea of exposing my precious vagina to your bare penis is a turn-on? Hell no.

First of all, let’s be honest: EVERYONE knows sex feels better without a condom. But 5-15 (preferably the latter) minutes of orgasm-inducing (hopefully) action is not even a little bit worth the risk of catching something that either a)will cost time, money and surely some gross side effects to cure; or b)never be cured ever ever, and result in a lifetime of awkward conversation each time a relationship develops.

Keep in mind, condom manufacturing has come a long way in the several centuries that condom-like sheaths – often made of linen, leather or chemically treated bladder or intestine (latex doesn’t sound so bad now, hmm?) – were reportedly used.

There’s more to choose from than your basic latex jimmy hat. Head to your local pharmacy, and if you can muster up the courage, try an adult boutique to see what latex and non-latex options are available. Some brands (Kimono) are famous for making ultra-thin styles, while others offer options made from materials that won’t irritate skin.

The key is not to assume all condoms feel like rubbery balloons and to keep an open mind (and open bottle of lube.) You’ll be happy you did.

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