An open message to all the men out there who’ve called the women they’ve slept with “defective” after a 15-minute pumping session failed to result in an orgasm:

This especially goes out to the handful of buffoons (you know who you are) who didn’t believe me when I told them.

About 3/4 of the female population DON’T orgasm from intercourse alone. That means, using less formal terminology, that 75% of women, no matter how hard/long/fast you fuck them, will not have an orgasm without some kind of additional stimulation.

This isn’t a defect of hers OR yours. It’s biology.

“I suspect that for a large proportion of women, orgasm from intercourse alone is just never going to happen and knowing that might give women some solace,” Kim Wallen, professor of behavioral neuroendocrinology at Emory University, told ABC News.

This is not new info — it’s just under reported. You’re not going to hear this during middle school sex-ed class, in between the “You’ll get pregnant no matter what,” and “You’ll get STDs no matter what” lesson plans. You’re not going to hear this during “the talk” with your mom/dad. You’re certainly not going to hear it in mainstream media.

What is new is Wallen’s hypothesis that a woman’s ability to have an orgasm from intercourse alone depends on the distance between her clitoris and vaginal opening.

WARNING: Dr. Ruth moment in 5…4…3…2…1 This makes sense anatomically. The inner lips of the vagina and the clitoral hood are extensions of one another. When the inner lips move (like when you move something in and out of the vagina) they move the hood of skin that lies over the clitoris. The shorter the distance between the two, the stronger the movement and, in turn, the stronger the feeling. The clit is where all the nerves are, so any feeling on or around it is good and the most effective way to have an orgasm.

So next time you have sex and wonder where the O moment went, remember this message from Professor Wallen:

“Just as there are physical attributes that would prevent some people from ever becoming a concert violinist, or run the 100 meters in 10 seconds, there are attributes that make it unlikely that some women will ever experience orgasm from intercourse alone.”

Being able to make a woman orgasm from his penis alone does not make a man a good lover. Understanding how it all works “down there” does.

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During oral sex, a woman doesn’t have a raging orgasm after 5 minutes of python-like tongue-flicking.

The porn scene: Guy rubs face into girl’s vagina. Girl coos in delight. Guy tenses tongue and flicks at girl’s clitoris – guys, this is the target if you’re looking for an orgasm to happen — while spreading apart the labia (aka “vagina lips”). Girl moans and groans, possibly even screams.

The real-life scene: Guy rubs face into girl’s vagina. Girl waits for guy to find her clitoris. Guy tenses tongue and flicks at it while spreading apart the labia. Girl tenses and winces. Guy stops after a few minutes and girl wonders what just happened.

Guys, think of it this way: You like your balls to be rubbed, lightly massaged, licked — NOT smacked. (Usually.) Each time your flexed tongue hits her clit, it’s like hitting your balls with a stick. (Yeah yeah not as painful, but painful still.) And the tighter you pull the skin away from the clit itself, the more exposed it is to the beating of your tongue. There’s a hood of skin there for a reason, and it’s not aesthetics.

There’s a reason why R&B singers and creepy characters on “Sex and the City” (Season 2, Episode 3) refer to eating ripe fruit when the topic of cunnilingus/pussy-eating arises. Think of how you eat a super-ripe peach, and apply it in the bedroom.

And please try not to get frustrated after 5 or 10 minutes down there; it often takes longer than that for a good orgasm to build. And if you make it obvious you’re irritated, she’ll be instantly distracted — either feeling guilty or angry at you — and the orgasm might not ever come. (Pun intended.)

Slow and steady wins this race, I promise.

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