There’s a new study out that says — gasp! — allergies can get in the way of sexytimes. WHAT??! Quick, someone get me some Claritin and a condom, STAT.

The captain obvious scientist behind it concluded that it’s difficult to feel sexy when you’re sneezing, you can’t breathe, and your nose is running all over you face while you’re deep-throating. (I paraphrased that last bit.)

I dunno about you, but I really like being pounded while unable to pass oxygen through my nasal passages, and stuffy-nose dirty-talk is a under-appreciated art:

“Do be, do be harder. Suck by diddy, bake be cub. Bore, bore, bore!”

I remember hearing on the playground once that a sneeze is, like, 1/9 of an orgasm, so come to think of it I might just trade the Benadryl for a box of tissues and get ready for some mind-blowing nose-blowing sex.

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