The Screaming O
The Screaming O's popular sex products include the Vibrating Ring, Cock Ring, and Penis Ring among others.
Stockroom
Stockroom is celebrating its 20th year online selling sex toys, bondage gear and restraints, catering to both the kink curious novice to the extreme BDSM player.
eXtremeRestraints.com
Since 2000 eXtreme Restraints has been selling sex toys, bondage gear and adult toys. Each product is inspected and rigorously reviewed for quality, functionality and durability before offered on the website.
Baci Lingerie
Baci Lingerie offers "affordable luxury" with high-quality 500-piece lingerie collections and sub-collections of accessories to compliment them.
Rocks-Off Ltd
Rocks-Off Ltd is the UK’s leading adult toy manufacturer. All of our products are innovative, unique and produced to the highest quality using medical grade materials.
Kheper Games, Inc.
Kheper Games, Inc. is a Seattle-based company who specialize in bringing enjoyment to people by way of our sexy, fun and adventurous products.
Nasstoys
Nasstoys has been putting the fun into adult toys for over 32 years, and continues to turn out hot and profitable top-selling adult novelty items in a wide variety of styles and materials. Nasstoys supplies the finest quality products around!
So I was ready and inspired to write a ton of (well…more like 3) pieces of OJOY genius last night. But when I sat down at my desk in my armchair with my laptop propped on a pillow (professional AND tech-savvy — get in line, boys) my cellphone buzzed.
Word up. Booty call.
As I responded, “Yes absolutely” and subsequently forgot everything I was planning to accomplish that night, I wondered what proper booty-call etiquette might be — or if it exists at all. (I can’t imagine that Emily Post devotes any time to the matter, but maybe she’s got a slutty cousin who could start her own gig…)
Question #1: Once you confirm that you both want to fuck, how to you decide who’s “host” and who’s “guest”?
Sure the host doesn’t have the burden of driving/walking/roller-skating to the sexual destination, but she DOES have the onus of cleaning up the house, locking the cats in the bathroom, and making sure the sheets are clean — and that there’s a new set ready to be laid down as soon as the other person leaves. It’s kind of a lot of work, but it’s certainly a motivator to dust and do the dishes lickity split.
I didn’t have time to clean my apartment this weekend so I hosted last night in order to kill two birds with one stone.
Question #2: Once the other has entered, closed the door and removed footwear, how do you make the first move?
Unless you’ve already laid out a plan of attack, it’s hard to know whether or not small talk and catch-up chatter is necessary in order to alleviate some of the guilt that often comes with using someone solely for sex. Common entry-level (pun intended) comments include:
- How’s work going?
- Still have that old bicycle?
- You dating anyone?
Stick to questions that require a maximum of 5 words in response in order to get to the point quicker. You don’t have all day — and if you do, get a fucking JOB.
Question #3: Does offering a glass of filtered spring water insinuate you’re expecting a oral sex?
Well I sorta expect that regardless of beverage offer, so let’s just skip to Question #4.
Question #4: If your elderly neighbors are asleep, and you know the Jewish family living above you is celebrating Yom Kippur, should you muffle your orgasm?
It doesn’t seem right to project your 90 seconds of bliss onto the rest of the community, especially when it’s 11 p.m. on a religious holiday. Saying “good morning” to Loretta and Joe, and waving goodbye to the Feingolds as you head to work the next day, never stops being awkward when you know you kept them up all night.
Lastly, but most importantly:
Question #5: How do you get the person the hell out of your house before Project Runway starts*?
Do you use the ol’ “I gotta get up early” trick (which only works at night — JFYI) or do you simply hand him a towel and start making popcorn? I guess it depends on how clearly you’ve laid out the ground rules. I turned mine into a sexy tramp stamp…just kidding, they’re actually chiseled in granite and mounted above my TV.
*This question is most relevant when your DVR and/or Tivo is busted.
Email this post
Published Under:
49 Responses to “Priorities”
Trackback from Autoapprove Comment List
Time December 4, 2011 at 10:26 pm
…[Trackback]…
[...]That is the very first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I surprised with the analysis you made to make this particular put up extraordinary.[...]…
Trackback from hire a car auckland
Time December 5, 2011 at 6:23 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from {Legalsounds|Download music}
Time December 6, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Awesome website…
[...]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[...]……
Trackback from Best Over The Counter Yeast Infection Treatment
Time December 6, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Yeast Infection Treatment…
[...]below are some url links to webpages I always link to because we believe they really are worth browsing[...]…
Trackback from psychic on line
Time December 7, 2011 at 12:04 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.aucklandmarine.getlisted.co.nz/nz-boats-for-sale...
Trackback from Angry Birds Live
Time December 7, 2011 at 7:41 am
Angry Birds Online…
[...]the following are a few urls to websites online I always connect to for the fact we think they really are seriously worth checking out[...]…
Trackback from Entry Level Mechanical Engineering Jobs
Time December 7, 2011 at 9:36 am
Entry Level Mechanical Engineering Jobs…
Entry Level Mechanical Engineering Jobs…
Trackback from psychic clairvoyant
Time December 9, 2011 at 9:07 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from which kitchenaid mixer
Time December 12, 2011 at 9:37 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.melrosevillage.getlisted.co.nz/rest-homes-tauranga...
Trackback from how much is a wof
Time December 13, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.efreepsychicreading.com/horoscope-compatibility-chart...
Trackback from zahnpastagegen pickel
Time December 13, 2011 at 2:51 pm
well written article…
check out mine…
Trackback from where can i drive a race car
Time December 13, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from http://adsenseapihelp.blogspot.com
Time December 16, 2011 at 12:59 am
Adsense API…
Hi there, just wanted to mention, I liked this article. It was funny. Keep on posting!…
Trackback from master unblocker
Time December 16, 2011 at 6:30 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from Download chart music
Time December 16, 2011 at 11:45 pm
Recent Blogroll Additions……
[...]usually posts some very interesting stuff like this. If you’re new to this site[...]……
Trackback from rx7 rx
Time December 19, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.pentlands.getlisted.co.nz/auckland-accommodation...
Trackback from View my website to watch spongebob
Time December 20, 2011 at 8:02 am
Enjoyed every bit of it…
I ought to say, as a good deal as I enjoyed reading what you had to say, I couldnt help but shed interest soon after a whilst….
Trackback from fishing licence
Time December 23, 2011 at 11:14 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from Barclay condos Newport News VA for Sale
Time December 23, 2011 at 11:04 pm
………..
I guess for now i will be satisfied with book-marking and also including the RSS feed for you to our Search engines account. My spouse and i look forward to new updates and will share this kind of blog along with my Fb class….
Trackback from drains unblocking
Time December 27, 2011 at 3:21 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.efreepsychicreading.com/horoscope-compatibility-chart...
Trackback from nz boats for sale
Time January 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from pumps
Time January 4, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.drainsurgeons.getlisted.co.nz/drains-unblocking...
Trackback from Solar Lighted Patio Umbrella
Time January 5, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Solar Lights…
[...]underneath are a couple of web links to online internet sites which I connect to since we feel there’re definitely worth visiting[...]…
Trackback from forklift hire auckland
Time January 5, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from screen doors nz
Time January 9, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from Lab supplies
Time January 10, 2012 at 7:55 am
Best articles…
[..] More info about this article creator Click Here [..]…
Trackback from Great Clip Coupons 2011
Time January 15, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Great Clips Coupons…
[...]listed here are several web page links to online websites that we link to seeing as we feel they will be well worth browsing[...]…
Trackback from Singapore Web Design
Time January 16, 2012 at 12:48 am
Singapore Web Design…
Ahh tis quite true…….
Trackback from Marco Lorenzi
Time January 17, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Lucas…
I saw this really great post today….
Trackback from my url
Time January 18, 2012 at 4:28 am
… [Trackback]…
[...] Read More: ojoy.com/archives/1138 [...]…
Trackback from CAD Drafting
Time January 20, 2012 at 9:52 am
Websites worth visiting…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
Trackback from Briarfield condos Newport News VA for Sale
Time January 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm
………..
I guess in the meantime i’ll be satisfied with bookmarking and incorporating the RSS feed in order to our Google accounts. We look ahead to new changes and definately will share this kind of website together with our Facebook group….
Trackback from workflow management
Time January 21, 2012 at 1:44 am
Websites to visit…
[...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
Trackback from darmo seks
Time January 21, 2012 at 3:56 am
filmiki erotyczne…
Zajebiste cipa w filmiku erotycznym, zobacz to….
Trackback from cat scan vs mri
Time January 22, 2012 at 2:12 am
important links…
Guys check out these important links…
Trackback from brain tumor symptoms
Time January 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm
… [Trackback]…
[...] Read More here: ojoy.com/archives/1138 [...]…
Trackback from marketing auckland
Time January 22, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Sites You Should Check Out…
Trackback from true nutrition discount codes
Time January 23, 2012 at 5:35 am
………..
We suppose for the present time i’m going to accept bookmarking and also adding the RSS feed to our Search engines accounts. I enjoy brand new changes and can talk about this particular website along with our Myspace class….
Trackback from Alpha Warranty Services
Time January 25, 2012 at 10:45 pm
Great website…
[...]we like to honor many other internet sites on the web, even if they aren’t linked to us, by linking to them. Under are some webpages worth checking out[...]……
Trackback from No deposit Poker
Time January 27, 2012 at 2:42 am
No Deposit Poker…
You really make it appear really easy with your presentation however I to find this topic to be actually one thing that I believe I might never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely wide for me. I am looking ahead on your next submit, I’l…
Trackback from student records management
Time January 27, 2012 at 4:33 am
Wikipedia…
Wikipedia linked to this website…
Trackback from nba free picks
Time January 29, 2012 at 6:16 pm
[...] that is the end of this article. Here you’ll find some sites that we think you’ll appreciate, just click the links over[...]……
[...] Every once in a while we choose blogs that we read. Listed below are the latest sites that we choose [...]……
Trackback from Article Spinning
Time January 30, 2012 at 12:03 am
Texte umschreiben mit dem ArticleSpinningWizard…
[...] Texte umschreiben durch Text Spinning Software in einem Klick [...]…
Trackback from manistee photographer
Time January 30, 2012 at 6:04 am
[...]always a big fan of linking to bloggers that I love but don’t get a lot of link love from[...]……
[...]just beneath, are numerous totally not related sites to ours, however, they are surely worth going over[...]……
Trackback from true nutrition
Time January 31, 2012 at 4:05 am
………..
I suppose for the time being i am going to accept book-marking and introducing your own RSS feed to my personal Search engines account. My partner and i anticipate brand new updates and will talk about this particular site with my own Fb group….
Trackback from lululemon.com
Time January 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm
[...]Sites of interest we have a link to[...]……
[...]usually posts some very interesting stuff like this. If you’re new to this site[...]……
Trackback from [...]Sites of interest we have a link to[...]…
Time January 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm
[...] that is the end of this article. Here you’ll find some sites that we think you’ll appreciate, just click the links over[...]……
[...] Every once in a while we choose blogs that we read. Listed below are the latest sites that we choose [...]……
Trackback from Locksmith Toronto
Time February 1, 2012 at 1:23 am
Locksmith in Toronto…
Locksmith products and services guide offer security and luxury for your home….
Trackback from rest homes
Time November 30, 2011 at 8:31 am
Sites You Should Check Out…
http://www.jucy.getlisted.co.nz/hire-a-car-auckland...